We all take stock of our life at times. Where we are, where we were, and how did we arrive at this point. We wonder if we did it right, are we on track, are we satisfied, and where do we go from here. Well, my recent self-examination has led me to a startling conclusion. I am living a contrapuntal life and exist in a constant state of counterpoint. The term Contrapuntal is a musical term. It is a rare and complex piece of music where two melodic lines are played at the same time. Done well, it is a masterpiece. Done poorly, it is junk. Counterpoint is another term for contrapuntal however, it best describes a film technique where the melody is in direct conflict with the image or action on the screen. It is used to invoke thought, grab attention, confuse, or set a particular mood for the audience. Imagine a horror movie scene where a female high school student bludgeons her teacher with an ax. In the scene, the beautiful love song "To Sir With Love" from the famous movie of the same title is being played along with the gruesome act. it shouldn't work, but it does. That is counterpoint.
My life has become a contrapuntal fusion of not two melodies but four. Existing together and somehow working for me. The rest of the world sees me in constant counterpoint. No matter what melody of life they observe me at the moment, I appear as eccentric, an oddball, or on the fringe.
The four melodies I live in are recovered alcoholic, Department of the Army professional civilian, Motorcycle Club (MC) member, and author. Four completely different lifestyles being lived at the same time by one person. Some would say that it can be done by acting, dressing, and speaking each role when I am in each separate environment. That would be the easy solution. However, I evolved to refuse to put on the stereotypical masks that society expects for each of the four facets of my life. I am comfortable saying, To Thine Own Self Be True. To live this contrapuntal life I have to accept that I will be criticized, considered eccentric, and at times ostracized.
This is how I live in four separate worlds at the same time.
The first world is a Department of the Army Professional. i work in the operations section of the two star General's staff. The expectation is a clean cut professional, extremely well mannered, well groomed, sharply dressed, and conservative in every possible way. Here I am extremely proficient at my job however, I am perceived as eccentric. This is because I don't hide or downplay the other aspects of my life. I ride my motorcycle to work and wear my MC cut right into work. Although my balding head is clean shaven, I sport a goatee that is 8 inches long and am covered with more tattoos than I can count and will get more. I do dress in a shirt and tie, however my ties are cartoon characters, sports teams, and Harley Davidson ties. My cubical is decorated with Alcoholic Anonymous and other inspirational quotes, motorcycle trinkets, and skulls. I am definitely perceived as different and odd but I am apparently needed because they keep me around. Yes, I receive comments and looks from bosses and co-workers and know they talk about me. I know I won't be on a recruiting poster and that is OK because I am comfortable being me.
The second world is the Motorcycle Club world and that lifestyle. Here the stereotypes are even more profound. In this world my appearance and my dedication to the lifestyle matches the stereotype, however I stray from there. I choose to ride a Harley Tri-Glide (three wheeler) which stands out among the majority that are on two wheels. As a recovered alcoholic, I do not drink which is in sharp conflict with the lifestyle. I am an author who has published three books to date and actually will sell them at rally's which again is out of the biker norm. While my Biker Brothers are listening to hard driving rock as they ride, they look at me funny when I pull up blasting Mozart. They like my Army co-workers consider me different yet they keep me around.
The third is my membership in Alcoholic Anonymous (AA). I am fully immersed in this world chairing meetings, doing speaking engagements in the AA community, visiting jails, and helping other alcoholics and addicts. I again find myself on the fringe of this world. The books I write are about alcoholism and addiction which is in borderline conflict with the AA tenet of anonymity. I belong to an MC which is in conflict with avoiding temptation to drink. Yet I stay sober and they seem to want me around even though I don't march to the traditional tune.
The fourth is my emerging career as an author. When you think of an author, no one would describe me. I certainly don't look like an author. You wouldn't expect to see a biker sitting next to his bike at the local community fare selling books about sobriety yet there I am. My writing is conversational, serious, and direct. If I need to use profanity to make a lifesaving point I will. This is not the style of writing that generally garnishes awards but it is mine.
This has been my life for the past nine years. It parallels my time in sobriety. The 12 steps of alcoholic anonymous taught me how to live and find peace, satisfaction, and serenity in my life. It taught me to take off the masks I used to wear for other people's benefit. I no longer wear masks to fit in. What people think, say, or feel about me is none of my business. I have never felt so at peace and free in my life. The price is that I will never fit into the stereotype of any world I exist in. I am fine with that because I have landed at a point of being happy with me.
To Thine Own Self Be True
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